OBSERVING COMMUNICATION
During the week I observed many communications between adults and children; some positive, others negative. I stood in the hallway of the building overlooking the playground and I overheard a parent screaming, “Come over here!" This caught my attention so I moved closer to get the gist of the communication.
The parent just had a Parent Teachers’ Conference together with the child and was talking to another teacher in the hallway. The child tried talking to the parent by tapping her thigh but was cut off each time and ignored. The child not waiting on the parent walked away and ended up in the playground. The parent not seeing the child around was concerned. Another teacher mentioned that the child went out the back door. Now the parent and other teachers walked out to find the child and there she was; on the playground.
The parent walked up to the child and yelled, “What the heck is wrong with you?” The child replied, “I was just here, just here.” The parent screamed again, “Be quiet, be quiet!” “You were talking too long.” The child continued. “Just shut up! Do you know what you did?” The parent asked. “Well you will do nothing when you get home. You are grounded.” The parent continued. Each time the child tried answering she was cut off. The child cried, and cried as the parent grabbed onto her left hand. Then the child screamed, “Leave me alone, I hate you!” The parent paid no attention to her as she screamed louder. "I hate you!" The parent with child’s hand held tightly walked out the building.
Children have needs and we should look beyond our own needs and focus on the child’s individual needs. I learned that it is important to pay attention to children’s safety in and around us and this should be communicated to our children. Also it is important to listen to our children and not interrupt (Laureate Education, Inc., 2012). Simultaneously, it is important to communicate to children in soft tone of voice and not express anger. The communication brought out fear in the child and showed the child that it is okay to communicate in this way. Our choice of words is very important. It is critical that we use words to support children’s learning and development (Rainer, & Durden, 2010). All in all, stepping back; that is; listening with openness, focusing on what the child said, and understanding the child’s perspectives, may have helped the parent to hear and consider the unexpected message (Stephenson, 2009). The unexpected message may have been, “I need to communicate more effectively with my child.”
To make the communication more affirming the parent could have spoken in a softer tone and not scream. Screaming can bring out fear in children and hamper communication. Also, going down to the child’s level when communication; asking the child questions could have helped the child in thinking; “Oh I did something that was not okay.” Listening to the child before she went to the playground is sign of showing respect and appreciation of what the child had to say. The communication on the part of the parent was embarrassing and this may affect the child’s self-esteem/concept. The parent should at the same time have mutual communication; shared power, taking turns with the child in solving the problem by asking open ended questions and providing opportunities for the child to learn by that mistake and to learn social as well as communication skills.
There were very little connections to the way the parent communicated and the way I communicate with the children. The parent was very aggressive and loud while communicating her displeasure to her child and was not able to see beyond her own feelings. I am very aware of children's feelings and understand that whatever we communicate positive or negative can have an impact on them and on us. The only incident I can honestly testify to is screaming out when it comes to safety issues so as to help children not harm one another and themselves. This is not really a regular practice.
I can improve this communication by using the Personal Doll to review safety rules at all times.
References
Laureate Education, Inc., (2012). Communicating with Young Children. Retrieved from http://sylvan.live.ecollege.com/ec/crs/default.learn?CourseID=6488776&Survey=1&47=8295579&ClientNodeID=984650&coursenav=1&bhcp=1
Rainer Dangei, J., & Durden, T. R. (2010). The nature of teacher talk during small group activities. YC: Young Children, 65(1), 74–81. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=47964033&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90–95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Theresa,
ReplyDeleteI have heard and seen this kind of communication many times between parents/grandparents and children. Sometimes I got the opportunity to have a conversation with these adults later day or time and most of the times I found out that this is how they were communicated while growing up. So that is what they knew. If we get the opportunity to have a conversation with these adults most of the times there is a possibility to make a difference.
Thank you for sharing!!!
Theresa,
ReplyDeleteWow, you wrote another very informative blog. I learned that for adults to communicate effectively with children; they need to use a soft tone voice, listen without interruption, and respect and appreciate what children have to say.